May. 8th, 2017

spoonorita: (Default)
Here is a list of occurrences that over the last few years that have convinced me that my coworker has psychic abilities, and that they are somehow connected to me doing stupid shit.

I really need to give people nicknames; I know everyone's real names are mentioned ass-deep in my blog, but I'm still going through and editing, so soon they will no longer be there. So we'll start by naming this coworker "Bear," since she really likes bears.

The First Occurrence:

Or as I like to call it, the Spider Incident.

I'm sure everyone's seen the security devices that are wrapped around high-dollar items in most department stores. They're called Spider Wraps, but we always just shorten it to "spiders."

We got these security devices in the store sometime in 2010, and one of the unfortunate parts of being on the overnight shift, nobody actually trained us on how to use these, so we had to figure it out for ourselves. Detaching them from items wasn't that hard to figure out, but extending and retracting them to fit, however, was a little harder to get used to. And that fact is what comes into play here.

It was around midnight, Bear had made her way down to the GM side of the store to close the doors for the night, and I was stationed down at the self-checkout with another cashier, who we'll just call "T" because this is the only story he's ever going to show up in. One of my regular customers walks up, wanting to buy a car stereo, so I unwrap the spider and scan his item for him so he could pay for it.

And also, ever wanting to be the comedian, I decide that I'm going to slide the spider wrap over my chest, all in the name of a spider-man joke. Unfortunately, the spider wrap had been retracted to fit the car stereo, and unfortunately for me, I was inexperienced enough with these security devices to remember that you could not extend them with the knob (I don't even know what to call it. Knob? Handle? It's a little flat plastic thing that flips up that you turn in order to retract that spider wrap). So as I slipped it over my head, I flipped the knob/handle out and twisted it, and instead of extending like I had hoped it would do, it retracted.

I got the fucking spider wrap stuck around my head.

At this point, after realizing what I had just done, T was literally on the floor laughing, and the regular was also laughing at me, and as I'm standing there trying to unhook this thing from around my ears, someone walks up to my register with a full cart.

So I'm taking care of this customer (who is trying - and failing - to not laugh at the situation) on my lane with a spider wrap stuck around my head, and meanwhile, Bear had just finished closing the GM-side doors for the night, and had approached the person covering the electronics area (who I now dub "Fork"), to find out when she wanted her break.

Bear was in the middle of talking when she stopped, looked at Fork, and said, "I have to go. Spoony just did something stupid."

So she walks back out to the checkouts, shaking her head, saying "Okay, what did you do?" Before seeing my predicament, proceeding to laugh at me for a few minutes, and using the magnetic key to unhook it from my face.

it only gets wilder from here )

So yeah. My coworker has psychic abilities, that are apparently connected to me any time I do something stupid.

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